Pointing with my knuckles.

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I wrote this post a few years ago when I was just starting out on my blog. I’ve been looking down at my hands these past few days and realize, for the hundredth time, that I still have the same problem I had then. Trying and failing to be a lady. So instead of rewriting, I’m reposting to show this old girl a little love.

***

I’m a sporadic sort. Flighty, inconsistent, unreliable. I’m a free-spirit damn it! I’m not ashamed of it, but I am often ashamed of the consequences of it. When it comes to my failures at being a lady, the thing that shows my inconsistency more than anything else is probably the condition of my nails. They bounce from bad-ass cool to I’ll be pointing with my knuckles for a while. How can one woman get dozens of compliments on the look of her nails one month and be totally embarrassed to point the next?

How long does it really take to remove nail polish and reapply? How long does it take to just simply remove nail polish so that at least I won’t walk around with more fingernail showing than actual specks of color from last month’s polish?

Once I finally do get the residual polish off, I spend the next two months terrified that I’ll end up in the same I’m-going-to-point-with-my-knuckles nightmare. Stress. Over nail polish. Is this for real? Don’t I have many other pressing and stress-inducing things to fret about? Uh, yeah. But dammit every time some woman points with beautiful nails, or every time I simply cannot point, I’m reminded that being a lady is a full-time job. I tell you, it doesn’t matter how well you’ve succeeded at everything– hair, skin, clothes, makeup– if you hand that clerk or client over your money or document with a set of jacked up nails, it was all for naught. None of the other stuff means a thing. Not a thang.

I tell you this not to drive you into a state of hopelessness, not to speak down to you, and not to belittle your efforts. Unless I become rich and have no job and possibly no life, I don’t think I’ll ever always have my nails done. All I’m saying is that if you can do it, congrats. If you can’t, here are your options:

Hard: always leave the house with nail polish remover pads (I think those exist. If not, someone should get on it.) and polish in your purse/abyss made of leather or canvas.

Intermediate: always keep a dark-colored polish in your purse to paint over the other bits of color still clinging to your nails from a month ago. (I’ve used this technique with decent results. It’ll get you though quick transactions.)

Easy: realize you aren’t one of “those girls”. Keep your nails very short and only use clear polish.

Very easy: keep your nails short, apply lotion and forget about it.

***

Back to today. This is what my nails currently look like as I type this.

 

Bad Nails
I’ve been chipping off the polish little by little every day. I’m a lowlife.

You’ll recall I had this same nail polish on during our recent camping trip… So yeah, they’ve been pretty ratchet for some time now lol.

I wanna be a lady.

 

 

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