The dinner party in my mind.

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So I’m putting a question out into the universe. Am I the only person who breaks out in hives at the thought of throwing a dinner party while simultaneously feeling like a domestic failure for not doing it? Don’t get me wrong. I want to throw a dinner party. I want to throw an epic dinner party. (I don’t care if epic is hyperbolic in describing a dinner party.) In my mind, this singular event- executed successfully- will cement my entry into womanhood. I will always have it on my resume along with a list of references willing to vouch for my awesomeness.

Maybe I’ve watched too many foreign movies, but I have visions- very specific visions- of my dinner party. I won’t go into the details now… yeah right! I see outdoors, twinkling lights, thick bread and sweet butter, some really well marinated red meat, witty banter, laughter, beautiful people, maybe a dog, music later on, some carefree dancing, lots of wine or booze (I don’t discriminate). My party will include men and women. The men will be stylish but casual. They will smell good. The women will wear things that expose their shoulders. There’s nothing like candlelight bouncing off the neck and shoulders. Listen, I understand that I’m rambling. I’m not one of those people who don’t realize. I’m just very scared and very excited.

Recently I’ve realized a pattern in my personality. I get excited about something, but I hate planning and I shrink at the thought of making a mistake that will blow up in my disappointed face. I came to this realization as I was packing up my dozen or so blank canvases. Sure I’ve completed my fair share of paintings; however, each one of those took weeks, sometimes months, of staring at the blank canvas terrified to make the first brush stroke. Likewise, my guitar sat in a corner for months waiting to be sanded down and given a new look. For me, the end product is almost always to my satisfaction. So why do I get so scared? Why not learn from that and dive in to future projects with gusto? What I think it really comes down to is this: I need to realize that the yearning to do something, the feeling of not fulfilling, is worse than having a not-so-perfect end product.

I should search for an inspirational quote about fear and determination to insert here, but alas! I lack the determination. Instead I’ll dwell on the thought that good friends who I want to cook for (that says a lot. More on my cooking at a later date…) and spend time with will be happy just to eat and hang out. I can have fun with a bag of Doritos and good music, and I’m not sure I want people there who can’t! Maybe I should include something like that in my invite. “Dear Invitees, I am not perfect. If you are not the sort that can have a good time so long as there are snacks, good music and cool people, then kindly stay away. I don’t need the pressure.”

If you’re trying to work up the courage to throw your own dinner party, here are some friendship quotes to help you get comfortable and edit that invitee list. I’m no expert. Not even a novice actually, but I say friends are the thing that should make your party sing. So cheesy.

**If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not really your friends. – Anonymous

**One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. – George Carlin
**Love is blind. Friendship tries not to notice. – Anonymous
**I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better. – Plutarch


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