This, of course, is according to my mother. As most of you know, it is World Cup season. And as many of you also know, I have a problem with ladylike quiet. I am also a huge sports fan, an adrenaline junkie and a nut for competition. Combine all of these with my inner ear problem and a mother who is my exact opposite and I’ve got myself a perfect recipe.
A recipe for what? For making my mother think I must have been born of another woman. A recipe for making her mumble under her breath. Numerous times. Until she was certain I had heard her. Until I finally acknowledged her. What was she mumbling?
“Oh my goodness. How embarrassing. A girl being so loud.” (Insert sour face and head wagging).
Hey listen, there are few occasions when loudness is appropriate and acceptable. For people like me who are always sticking out like… those pointy 1950s boobs, it’s nice to be able to relax and blend in. Spread out you know?
Watching sports is my time to let myself be me without the judgment of the tranquil quiet set. I had every reason in the world to jump up and scream when the U.S. finally put a point on the board. When our goalie shifted directions mid flight and stopped the ball with the tips of his damn fingers, I mean come on! That was beautiful stuff. And a second goal? Who saw that coming?! How can a person not get a little loud? Okay, maybe a lot loud. But still.
Thank goodness my father, whom I watch the games with, is maybe just as loud as me. Together we turn to each other and roll our eyes and shake our heads in disapproval at her utter lack of passion for anything competitive. She doesn’t even flinch during American Ninja Warrior people. We don’t get it. She doesn’t get it.
There’s this commercial that comes on during the games; it shows women jumping up and cheering for their teams, going full throttle, no restraint. Absolute joy. They look like me. They are my evidence to my mother that it is okay. Women don’t have to be quiet to be ladies. It is my proof.
My mother has never once been in the room when this commercial has come on. Story of my life.