To Singleness: A Late Night Post

This evening. I’m home alone. The kids are with their dad. I’m totally alone. I’m dancing in front of a mirror to Devil In Me by Anderson East. This is amazing. This is something of value. This is a gift. Not everyone gets to have a regular night like this. There is value in singleness. This is but one of them.

And as I think about this, Lonely comes on. Listen to it now, will you? East is listing, in his earthy and slow way, the empty place in which he finds himself; alone. Then his voice rises with the instrumentals, yet digging its way down in tone and lyrics. He lists his numerous faults, his doubts, his self-judgement. How many hours do we spend playing in our minds what we could-should-would have done, instead of enjoying our present moment of singleness? What’s the ratio?

As the song nears its end, I can hear the desperation deepen and rise. It’s the single person’s grief and regret song. It’s sensual and pleading. It’s damn good.

But it also romanticizes the misery of singleness.

And this is wrong. Singleness has many beautiful gifts, if one is willing to remove the lenses of convention and bias, and see it for what it really is.

There are many ways to love. And dancing alone in my living room, in the evening, to sensual music, is one of them. So. How about we love moments. Love the quarrel free night. Love your time is all yours. Love the choice of music is all yours. No compromises on music. Love two rolls of sushi for dinner. Love a glass of wine and your favorite movie.

How about instead of romanticizing the misery of singleness, we romanticize the gifts of singleness? This is but one way that I enjoy singleness. Please share yours. We’d all love to hear it. Maybe you could write a ‘value of singleness’ post of your own. (Mild suggestion). And maybe search to read the singleness posts that others have already written. (Strong suggestion).*


*I have absolutely no idea whether my usage of parentheses and periods are correct. It felt somewhat right. Grammarphiles are cringing right now.

30 thoughts on “To Singleness: A Late Night Post

  1. I so SO endorse this message! As a single (divorced) father since 2001, a music lover, a passionate 4th or 5th generation dancer, a drummer/rhythmist, and full-blown Bohemian… this message resonates deeply for me! I have a plethora of great music tracks I could share, however, I feel like this, The Invitation, by Oriah Mountain Dreamer more succinctly conveys the motion and mood. Perhaps you’ve read it Iwannabe… ❤

    It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

    It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

    It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

    I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

    It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy.

    I want to know if you can see beauty even when it’s not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.

    The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, book cover
    I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”

    It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

    It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

    It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

    I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

    For me, this is what those intense solo moments mean for me; and yes…

    I always dance like there’s nobody watching,
    Love like I’ll never be hurt,
    Sing like there’s nobody listening,
    And live like it’s heaven on earth.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. There’s another side, equal side to being a lover of life’s marrow. We appreciate, often internalize and vocalize and animate all that things, places, people, and events will stir. Some might call it eccentric, but I like to describe it as alive. I embrace it, let it feel, validate it, because we also enjoy sharing and connecting deeply. Lately, this old favorite of mine by Dido captures all of the emotions we Bohemians experience frequently. Maybe you can relate Iwannabe:

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Are you writing on this subject on your blog? You have a very deep passion for it and have a moving way of describing it. I used to feel normal; I thought that everyone felt the world so deeply, but I’ve discovered, sadly, that it’s not the case. The older I get, the more entranced I become. I think most adults are the opposite. I’m trying to each my children to notice and appreciate things, to keep their sense of awe. But I do think some people are just more inclined than others.

          I’m on my break now at work and they have YouTube blocked, so I’ll have to listen/watch when I get home. I’m looking forward to it!


          1. That is very nice of you to ask Iwannabe, thank you. 🙂 Yes, I have indeed written about it, that is my/our Bohemian passions and appetites for life’s marrows. I don’t usually leave links to my blog in other’s comments — simply because YOUR post(s) are not about me, right! 😛 . This one time, however, I can make an exception for you. ❤

            It is a 6-part series so it is quite lengthy — not the sort of read for the adult ADHD types. LOL But here you are my Lady… Untapped Worlds (part 1)…


            There are a few other posts outside of this series that I can mention, if you’d be interested and have that much time. LOL As I mention in my About page, I am so not a quick talk-about-tha-weather shallowy person.

            On the Dido video, let me know your thoughts whenever you’re free. No hurry. I understand the life a single mother — was a stay-at-home Dad for over a year and a half myself.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Thank you for the link. I’ll give it a read for sure. I am, btw, the adult ADD type. Lack of focus, not hyperactive. I’m always found to be doing 4 things at a time because solitary tasks make my brain sizzle. I am very focused when writing and reading, however.

              I wish that every parent could have the opportunity to stay at home at least for a year. Preferably 2. Kids start showing personality then. I really wish fathers would consider it more as well. People forget that everyone is different; sometimes the father might be the better nurturer in a household.

              Liked by 1 person

            2. Then you’ll need your hawk’s-eye focus for those readings. For some viewers & blog-browsers, my writing is too cerebrally engaging, which is fine. I’ve even been accused of bloviating! Hahaha! Nevertheless, we all have busy lives. 😉

              Fatherhood? Fathering investment? Commitment? Woman, don’t get me started. LOL

              Let me know (in the comments?) what you think of the 6-part series. Would love to hear your feedback.


          1. Oh oh. On top of that THIS comment/reply from you is all jumbled & scrambled! Did you say… “You hate videos, wordpress asked for a moneywire” and “I’m weird for days and it’s flattering”? 😮

            P.S. I am totally messing with you! 😈 😛

            Liked by 1 person

  2. So I put Devil in Me on and then read this. Suitable backdrop much? 🙂 I had been single so long before I met my husband. I would go on dates frequently but none stuck because you know when you are trying it is just not worth it. So I used to go on shopping sprees on my own to flea markets (oh the joy of those), I would watch films in theatres alone and then I would sit by myself in a cafe and read when not meeting friends on coffee dates. Lonely came in my way too – sudden gut-wrenching moments of it – but I would inevitably wind up in my happy head space because you do need plenty of that in life no matter whether you are on your own or with others. I bet you dance crazy good on an aside 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Goodness, I love hearing this. I think it’s awesome to be able to enjoy our own company. I prevents a lot of being in bad relationships just to avoid being alone. I haven’t been to the movies alone in quite some time, but you’ve just reminded me. Flea markets and coffee shops alone? Goodness we’ve got a lot in common 🙂

      And how did you guess that I’m a pretty darned good dancer? Are you stalking me? It’s okay if you are. But only you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Tee hee. I have the power of figuring out things. I have hardly ever stalked anyone but I would be glad to make an exception for you, my love. Yes I am indeed a nutter, but you know what I did enjoy it a whole lot. I see you as a kindred soul xx

        Liked by 1 person

          1. Aww of course. Isn’t weird good? I mean the world would be such a boring place otherwise. I do know so many boring people that it is good to know others who are not. Together maybe we can take weirdness to new levels xx

            Liked by 1 person

            1. So many boring people! And they kind each other and form alliances and committees in work places. We shall build our weird community. We shall proclaim its greatness. We shall raise it to new levels!

              Liked by 1 person

  3. I feel as though these are the nights I miss most when I am ready to punch my husband in his face for leaving laundry on the floor or taking over the living room for poker night. I mean, I love him, but there are plenty of moments I miss the quiet comfort of being single and doing as I please in my house alone.

    Rock on, girl!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Well, I’m married, so I feel like Jill. When we’re single, we want to be double. When we’re coupled, we long for the single days. I miss being able to leave things one way, and come home to them the way I left them. I miss sleeping in my bed alone with the option to roll over to the other side. I miss being by myself when my kids have gone for a weekend with their dad. I am deeply introverted, which means that I need to be alone to recharge my battery. I miss doing whatever the heck I wanna do when and how I wanna do it; without any pressure of an impending event that takes me out of my zone. Singleness is just that, but being single and secure and happy is a gift from God. I should have cherished it more!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’ just as you say, should have cherished it more. Since I married young then went straight into another long-term relationship, I can appreciate singleness more now. I really want those who are in it to try to cherish it more before they look back and wish they did.

      You’re so right about the benefit for introverts. It sucks being lugged along to some event when you need time off from people! Thanks for sharing 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. One of my favorite things about being single is the opportunity to have really good friendships with men! When I’m in a relationship, jealousy gets in the way and I have to take a step back. Cheers to platonic love!
    (awesome post, btdubs!)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Inspirational! I’ve never taken the time to listen to Anderson East. He is currently saying Miranda Lambert– MY ALL TIME FAVORITE artist EVER so hmm, If i like her, I will probably like his music too. I’m happy to hear you find happiness in the loneliest times.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I didn’t know that! Definitely check him out, his voice is beautiful. It’d be great for them to figure some way to collaborate. The music is different, but I’m sure they could think of something. They’re both great!


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