By This evening. I’m home alone. The kids are with their dad. I’m totally alone. I’m dancing in front of a mirror to Devil In Me by Anderson East. This is amazing. This is something of value. This is a gift. Not everyone gets to have a regular night like this. There is value in singleness. This is but one of them.
And as I think about this, Lonely comes on. Listen to it now, will you? East is listing, in his earthy and slow way, the empty place in which he finds himself; alone. Then his voice rises with the instrumentals, yet digging its way down in tone and lyrics. He lists his numerous faults, his doubts, his self-judgement. How many hours do we spend playing in our minds what we could-should-would have done, instead of enjoying our present moment of singleness? What’s the ratio?
As the song nears its end, I can hear the desperation deepen and rise. It’s the single person’s grief and regret song. It’s sensual and pleading. It’s damn good.
But it also romanticizes the misery of singleness.
And this is wrong. Singleness has many beautiful gifts, if one is willing to remove the lenses of convention and bias, and see it for what it really is.
There are many ways to love. And dancing alone in my living room, in the evening, to sensual music, is one of them. So. How about we love moments. Love the quarrel free night. Love your time is all yours. Love the choice of music is all yours. No compromises on music. Love two rolls of sushi for dinner. Love a glass of wine and your favorite movie.
How about instead of romanticizing the misery of singleness, we romanticize the gifts of singleness? This is but one way that I enjoy singleness. Please share yours. We’d all love to hear it. Maybe you could write a ‘value of singleness’ post of your own. (Mild suggestion). And maybe search to read the singleness posts that others have already written. (Strong suggestion).*
*I have absolutely no idea whether my usage of parentheses and periods are correct. It felt somewhat right. Grammarphiles are cringing right now.
Value of singleness (or having a partner who loves you unconditionally) – being able to walk around in the nude with fat bits jiggling everywhere.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oh that’s its own sort of magic as well!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I so SO endorse this message! As a single (divorced) father since 2001, a music lover, a passionate 4th or 5th generation dancer, a drummer/rhythmist, and full-blown Bohemian… this message resonates deeply for me! I have a plethora of great music tracks I could share, however, I feel like this, The Invitation, by Oriah Mountain Dreamer more succinctly conveys the motion and mood. Perhaps you’ve read it Iwannabe… ❤
For me, this is what those intense solo moments mean for me; and yes…
‘I always dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like I’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.‘
LikeLiked by 2 people
I love these passages! Wow, so beautiful. It doesn’t leave anything out. I’ll have to read it through few times, and I’ll enjoy that. Thank you, Professor.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Happy to share and its my pleasure. I had a distinct feeling it would strike a chord with you as well. 🙂
LikeLike
There’s another side, equal side to being a lover of life’s marrow. We appreciate, often internalize and vocalize and animate all that things, places, people, and events will stir. Some might call it eccentric, but I like to describe it as alive. I embrace it, let it feel, validate it, because we also enjoy sharing and connecting deeply. Lately, this old favorite of mine by Dido captures all of the emotions we Bohemians experience frequently. Maybe you can relate Iwannabe:
LikeLiked by 1 person
Are you writing on this subject on your blog? You have a very deep passion for it and have a moving way of describing it. I used to feel normal; I thought that everyone felt the world so deeply, but I’ve discovered, sadly, that it’s not the case. The older I get, the more entranced I become. I think most adults are the opposite. I’m trying to each my children to notice and appreciate things, to keep their sense of awe. But I do think some people are just more inclined than others.
I’m on my break now at work and they have YouTube blocked, so I’ll have to listen/watch when I get home. I’m looking forward to it!
LikeLike
That is very nice of you to ask Iwannabe, thank you. 🙂 Yes, I have indeed written about it, that is my/our Bohemian passions and appetites for life’s marrows. I don’t usually leave links to my blog in other’s comments — simply because YOUR post(s) are not about me, right! 😛 . This one time, however, I can make an exception for you. ❤
It is a 6-part series so it is quite lengthy — not the sort of read for the adult ADHD types. LOL But here you are my Lady… “Untapped Worlds“ (part 1)…
http://wp.me/p1uLmp-2nX
There are a few other posts outside of this series that I can mention, if you’d be interested and have that much time. LOL As I mention in my About page, I am so not a quick talk-about-tha-weather shallowy person.
On the Dido video, let me know your thoughts whenever you’re free. No hurry. I understand the life a single mother — was a stay-at-home Dad for over a year and a half myself.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for the link. I’ll give it a read for sure. I am, btw, the adult ADD type. Lack of focus, not hyperactive. I’m always found to be doing 4 things at a time because solitary tasks make my brain sizzle. I am very focused when writing and reading, however.
I wish that every parent could have the opportunity to stay at home at least for a year. Preferably 2. Kids start showing personality then. I really wish fathers would consider it more as well. People forget that everyone is different; sometimes the father might be the better nurturer in a household.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Then you’ll need your hawk’s-eye focus for those readings. For some viewers & blog-browsers, my writing is too cerebrally engaging, which is fine. I’ve even been accused of bloviating! Hahaha! Nevertheless, we all have busy lives. 😉
Fatherhood? Fathering investment? Commitment? Woman, don’t get me started. LOL
Let me know (in the comments?) what you think of the 6-part series. Would love to hear your feedback.
LikeLike
I’m trying to watch this video but my wordpress pages are acting haywire. It’s been weird the past couple of days and making me very upset. Even comments take me forever to write.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh oh. On top of that THIS comment/reply from you is all jumbled & scrambled! Did you say… “You hate videos, wordpress asked for a moneywire” and “I’m weird for days and it’s flattering”? 😮
P.S. I am totally messing with you! 😈 😛
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lol, you nut job! I was actually, for 2 seconds, fooled, a little bit, maybe…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love that!
LikeLiked by 1 person
So I put Devil in Me on and then read this. Suitable backdrop much? 🙂 I had been single so long before I met my husband. I would go on dates frequently but none stuck because you know when you are trying it is just not worth it. So I used to go on shopping sprees on my own to flea markets (oh the joy of those), I would watch films in theatres alone and then I would sit by myself in a cafe and read when not meeting friends on coffee dates. Lonely came in my way too – sudden gut-wrenching moments of it – but I would inevitably wind up in my happy head space because you do need plenty of that in life no matter whether you are on your own or with others. I bet you dance crazy good on an aside 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Goodness, I love hearing this. I think it’s awesome to be able to enjoy our own company. I prevents a lot of being in bad relationships just to avoid being alone. I haven’t been to the movies alone in quite some time, but you’ve just reminded me. Flea markets and coffee shops alone? Goodness we’ve got a lot in common 🙂
And how did you guess that I’m a pretty darned good dancer? Are you stalking me? It’s okay if you are. But only you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Tee hee. I have the power of figuring out things. I have hardly ever stalked anyone but I would be glad to make an exception for you, my love. Yes I am indeed a nutter, but you know what I did enjoy it a whole lot. I see you as a kindred soul xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Goodie, I see you in the same way. Nice to know I ain’t weird, or maybe we both are… together 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aww of course. Isn’t weird good? I mean the world would be such a boring place otherwise. I do know so many boring people that it is good to know others who are not. Together maybe we can take weirdness to new levels xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
So many boring people! And they kind each other and form alliances and committees in work places. We shall build our weird community. We shall proclaim its greatness. We shall raise it to new levels!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I say we have vision. Together we shall take them on! *march with vigour and shake that booty
LikeLiked by 1 person
I feel as though these are the nights I miss most when I am ready to punch my husband in his face for leaving laundry on the floor or taking over the living room for poker night. I mean, I love him, but there are plenty of moments I miss the quiet comfort of being single and doing as I please in my house alone.
Rock on, girl!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, quiet nights. I sort of lived the reverse. I was married out of my parents’ house, never single. And now, in my 30s I’m realizing the beauty in singleness.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, I’m married, so I feel like Jill. When we’re single, we want to be double. When we’re coupled, we long for the single days. I miss being able to leave things one way, and come home to them the way I left them. I miss sleeping in my bed alone with the option to roll over to the other side. I miss being by myself when my kids have gone for a weekend with their dad. I am deeply introverted, which means that I need to be alone to recharge my battery. I miss doing whatever the heck I wanna do when and how I wanna do it; without any pressure of an impending event that takes me out of my zone. Singleness is just that, but being single and secure and happy is a gift from God. I should have cherished it more!
LikeLiked by 2 people
It’ just as you say, should have cherished it more. Since I married young then went straight into another long-term relationship, I can appreciate singleness more now. I really want those who are in it to try to cherish it more before they look back and wish they did.
You’re so right about the benefit for introverts. It sucks being lugged along to some event when you need time off from people! Thanks for sharing 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
One of my favorite things about being single is the opportunity to have really good friendships with men! When I’m in a relationship, jealousy gets in the way and I have to take a step back. Cheers to platonic love!
(awesome post, btdubs!)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh my goodness, yes! It does put such a damper on friendships with the opposite sex, and having a variety of friendships is so stinking important! Thanks for adding that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Inspirational! I’ve never taken the time to listen to Anderson East. He is currently saying Miranda Lambert– MY ALL TIME FAVORITE artist EVER so hmm, If i like her, I will probably like his music too. I’m happy to hear you find happiness in the loneliest times.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I didn’t know that! Definitely check him out, his voice is beautiful. It’d be great for them to figure some way to collaborate. The music is different, but I’m sure they could think of something. They’re both great!
LikeLike
Typo. Dating ** Miranda Lambert
LikeLike