Just a Few Random Thoughts

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I’ve got a few snatches of things that are just swimming around in my head with no place to really go. That’s what I was thinking, until I remembered how the lovely Cheila does random thoughts posts, and I always love reading them. So here it goes. No pre-planned topics, just whatever shows up to play.

A load of trash. That’s what my writing the past few nights have been. Actually, I’m being kind. The past few weeks have been a load of trash.

Therefore, I’m growing certain that I’m living a delusion. I’ve heard that before, but now I’m starting to believe it. See the thing is, I’m certain that I’ve been writing some pretty fantastic stuff these past few weeks. I write for hours on and off every night. It’s my favorite. So why have I flipped through this notebook 20 times trying something decent to publish? I’m feeling a little overwhelmed. I would love to earn a living as a writer and blogger someday, but I’m feeling frustrated and overwhelmed.Β  I’m working on character trait: DETRMINATION. I have to remember my vision. Some positive comments would be great right now.

My friend just shared a new song that with me and I have listened to it on repeat for the past 2 hours. Does anyone else do this? Get absolutely obsessed with a song? Every time I listen to it, it hits me at the same spots and having those expectations feels great. It’s like watching your favorite movie and getting excited when your favorite scene is coming up. But in a song there are so many of these moments, big and small. Also, I keep learning about the song. I pick up on new sounds and little artistic details. I want to know the song’s soul because it knows mine.

For the 3rd day in a row I come home to find my parents fully engaged in various activities outside in my yard. That pretty plant stand I just finished and posted this morning? Yeah, he’s got his tools and an 8 foot stretch of horizontal blinds on it. It’s acting as his workstation. I had to breathe very deeply.

When I got back from New York, my bike had a flat tire. Since I have no pump and it’s been super hot or raining, I was lazy about rolling it to the gas station up the street for a pump. Today I finally went, and I plan to ride it tonight! I’m really excited for that. I can’t believe I went from riding twice a day for 30 minutes each to nothing for an entire week. It really goes to show how quickly things can change. I need to get back to it before I lose all of the physical and mental progress I’ve gained. Our bodies will collapse so quickly into our old habits if we don’t stay constantly determined to stick to something.

Goodness, this song is still going strong. Spotify has this great new feature called GeniusΒ  which is a behind the scenes story of a song. (I totally forgot they have a website I’ve been meaning to visit, so I came back and added this link. The beauty of digital writing). Genius sometimes highlights certain lyrics and then explains the meaning or inspiration behind it. It discusses the creative process, who was involved, the road to production. All types of cool stuff like that. I think that the app is aptly named. I love music so much. I also love learning about creative processes and getting more depth of knowledge with something I love. That app is like reading Shakespeare with annotations. It can only improve on a great thing. And that’s noble. Most people settle for normal. These people are making music better. (Btw, it would be great if someone from both of these mentioned companies gave me a little compensation for this paragraph).

I’d love for someone to work for experience and coffee as my personal assistant. To be clear, work for free. My writing notebook alone, despite the fact that I just created a color-coded post-it notes system of labeling, is a no longer a mountain to climb. It’s a mountain with sticky notes jutting out of it from every side. What I’d love for someone to do is read through everything. (Side note: Some pieces start on one page and picks up 4 pages later because 5 other ideas came to me before it could get to the end of the first). So my assistant would read through everything, gather the scattered pieces, categorize them and type them into organized folders on my desktop, print out copies of everything I’ve ever written and place them into a well-organized and pretty physical system of organization. Oh, and scan everything. I will write this person an excellent letter of recommendation.

Which leads me to 2 things. 1. I can hardly think straight when I’m looking at a computer screen. It does something to my brain. I wish I could cut out the middle men, but I need pen and paper. I have to write things out to make sense of them. I’m typing this as I go and honestly, I have no idea what I’ve written in this post. 2. I actually come up with a lot of ideas, and as a writer, I can’t complain about that. I get overwhelmed because I’m trying to find the time to do each idea justice, and it’s difficult. Sometimes I think about what it would take for me to start a production company. Like Drew Barrymore. I so admire her. Maybe my goal should be an empire. Seriously. Why not? And don’t call me crazy because that would be clichΓ©.

I feel like a hermit because I’ve been dedicating so much time to my creative projects that there isn’t much time left afterward. I’m not complaining. I’m a natural born hermit. I get out of the house plenty, it’s just been more and more on my own. I love solitude. And I get so absorbed in my activities because I love them so much.

My mom just told me she has some food in her car for me. I’m starving as I type this, with no plans for dinner. Parents know just the proper way to be intrusive: offer food in exchange.

Someone ever give you a candle as a gift and you can’t stand the scent of it? I hate cinnamon and sugar type smells outside of actual food.

I’m going to make popcorn tonight and watch a movie. That’s something to look forward to. I have a warm couch and food to eat and movies at my fingertips. I have a pretty good life.

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36 comments on “Just a Few Random Thoughts”

    1. I thought I had replied to you, but I guess I didn’t. Sorry about that. Are there certain types of songs/music that you do that with or it’s random? Also, give me a song recommendation! I haven’t listened to anything new today. Please πŸ™‚

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  1. I also love Cheila’s pocketful of random posts! This was a nice collection of thoughts and rambles. I too play the same song on repeat for days till I get sick of it. It’s a strange thing. I also have lots of ideas at the moment, most of them eventually come out. Im happier with some than others, but all the support from the community definitely helps. I love your writing. If you’re having trouble deciding what to publish I’d love to read through drafts. You could email me and I’ll be your part time assistant. Cant help with coffee though. Also, I’ll probably love everything you write cause i love your style in general. But my offer still stands. πŸ™‚

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    1. Angela, you’re a darling! What a beautiful gesture. My issue is that 98% of everything is hand-written and not all together. My brain all over the place. I’d literally have to scan pages of my notebook with lines crossed out and tiny additions squeezed between lines… That’s why I was thinking if I could have someone organizing and typing everything out, it’d be so helpful. If I can get through that step, I’ll send you that email. And thank you so much for your sweet words about my writing. It means a lot to me, I really mean that.

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  2. Hmm I am not on Spotify but I do listen obsessively to the same numbers over and over till I have wrung the juice (so to say) out of them. You know rambling and popcorn are like my favourite two things in life. Now I am too beat or I would have made myself a batch while reading this but I am zoning out. It was so hot and I walked some 24 blocks. I think I need a bike too! Adi is complaining that I am writing a mini post right here. So I shall catch you later. Goodnight love – and you do not need to stress about writing. You got this one hands down!

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    1. We must have a rambling and popcorn party. I think we’ve both probably left some really long comments scattered around wordpress, you know it’s fine by me πŸ™‚ Also, I wish I’d calculated how much we walked over there. It was crazy and I fully expected to lose weight, but I think the always stopping for pizza and starbucks didn’t help any. The kids never walked so much in their lives.

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      1. Oh so write about New York! I would love to read your experiences. Did you find it hot? I am gasping for breath every time I go out for a run and chores. It is Hot. The sun burning through my sockets. These are the little pleasures of life.

        I look forward to that particular party with bated breath πŸ˜‰

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        1. I’ve been finding that anytime I want to write a travel post it takes me ages. I think it’s not knowing where to start, you know. Arundhati, what I think I’m going to do is take a few days respite and focus on organizing my writing, typing everything out, and working on old ideas instead of continually coming up with new ones. I have New York, more Thailand I haven’t gotten to. A piece I want to hopefully get published in the magazine Bumblebee that Cheila is involved with. I think feeling organized will help to clear my mind. Do you have any issues like this or do you stay pretty consistent and organized?

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          1. Lyz, I am anything but consistent. I am sitting on my book right now like a fat hen trying to hatch a stubborn egg, rewriting the same chapter over and over again. It is frustrating and I am assailed by constant feelings of self-doubt but I cannot stop or I know it will take another five years for me to get anywhere. I do think however that it is a part of being human, so do not feel too bogged down by it? Just make a start with what you think works for your in the moment. With the blog, I just go with my mood – which is why you see me flit from place to place from day to day. State of the mind and all that xx

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            1. I see the struggle is definitely real. I think that the revising process is one of my biggest issues. It takes me forever to be satisfied with a piece. Is it possible for you to skip that chapter for now and work in another, whichever you’re in the mood for? Like with your blog. I have some pieces that I’m sick of looking at too. But it’s as you say, we have to keeping pushing forward else we get stuck. Good luck girl. I know you’ve got some great ideas inside of you. I read something that might help you, but I’ll email πŸ™„

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            2. Intriguing. I shall look forward to your email. It does not help that I am dozing off while at it and wondering about what I shall do in the evening. I shall somehow get over with the chapter for the nth time and get onto another one. But sometimes I am caught in the chain of writing serially, you know, to feel the flow. But you are right, I should approach it like the way I feel about the blog. Thanks Lyz πŸ™‚ xx

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  3. Come on now, you have loads of potential assistants, as long as you can wait until the fall. I am sure there are some students just dying for extra credit πŸ˜‰ Of course your writing will most likely be copied inaccurately, but hey, that would just add interest, right? πŸ˜›

    And I agree with Angela: you are a great writer. Keep it up, Lady!

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    1. Ah, good old child labor! You actually make a good point. I wouldn’t ask my middle- schoolers, but some of my past darlings in high school might be wanting some volunteer hours and something on their empty resumes. I recently allowed one student to read something I wrote and totally forgot there was an f-bomb in it, lol. She didn’t recoil because they hear it all the time, but still, I have to be careful who I let touch that thing. Also, most of them can’t read cursive (so sad) and I write almost exclusively in cursive.

      I may have to start interviewing potential candidates. My overachievers are always looking for a challenge πŸ™‚

      Thank you for the compliment about my writing. It’s always so encouraging to hear, and something I’ll remember if an editor tells me I suck, haha.

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      1. Haha! That is my fear, getting caught being inappropriate (or rather ‘human’) by a student. I dropped a bomb toward the end of the school year, not realizing a group of kids was standing nearby. Dang it! πŸ˜‚

        But the cursive thing, seriously an epidemic. I write in print now because they can never read the cursive. Oy!

        I do think it would be an awesome task for a student who has passed into adulthood. Get ”em working πŸ‘πŸ»

        And of course you are welcome–remember you are talented, and don’t get discouraged!

        Liked by 1 person

          1. Hahaha πŸ˜› Keep ’em guessing! I don’t necessarily have to write in cursive for them to be confused. My writing can get sloppy when I am rushed, and my students, having no shame, like to tell me when they cannot read my writing or if they can’t tell what my drawings are…

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  4. Hahaha! This is “a FEW” random thoughts!!!? Goodness, what’s it like when it is MANY random thoughts? πŸ˜› πŸ˜‰

    P.S. I’ll have to “sleep on it” regarding your job offer. (huge smirk) But thank you for the offer!

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  5. You made me think of myself, but I’m all over the place with not one, but many activities. I’m a do it all and preferably at the same time kind of person (due to my bipolar type 2, which I had no idea) so I have tonnes of things I want to dedicate myself to and just can’t find the time, organization or everything just looks stupid. I have this blog, I like to read, I want to really get back into writing, I want to finish and start a few crochet and knitting projects, I want to color, I do my gardening, I want to exercise and to bake, to get into DIY and watch my big list of movies and learning German and Italian. What am I? F*cking crazy. Anyway. You’re so much better than me, you just need a little push. Your writing is so good and you I’m sure you have so much work we would love to see posted or published. Be confident, you are good and you are way better than you think you are. Seriously, I know you πŸ™‚ You’re amazing.

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    1. Ugh, you sound just like me! I’m all over the place like a crazy person. I’m trying to do everything. You’re doing such a great job with everything you have going in the blogging world and educating yourself and making videos, etc. I am striving to be able to build up my tolerance for how much I’m able to get done. Build my endurance. You have a lot, Cheila, let me tell you. Thank you once more for encouragement about my writing. It’s something that I’ll keep working hard at, and it’s great to have people to enjoy it. πŸ™‚

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      1. You’re definitely one of my favorite bloggers and you’re pretty high on my list of well-written, good English, good grammar and engaging sentences. I just love your writing style

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  6. What in the world is Spotify? πŸ˜›
    I think everyone does that. Listening to a song all over and over again because you both have a pretty good relationship. Just that sometimes, like most relationships, it doesn’t last and you have got yourself a new song soul mate.

    I just love Cheila’s pocketful of random. These kind of posts are fun to read. Especially when “some people” (insert numerous exaggerated coughs) claim to have A FEW random thoughts which are actually a mountain load. πŸ˜‰ Makes me wonder what size their opinion of A LOT of random thoughts would be like. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    P.S. I really love your writing style. It’s unique and really awe-inspiring.

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        1. Oh wait, you were serious about Spotify? I’m so sorry. It’s a music app that is freaking awesome for creating playlists and finding artists, etc. I have the paid version because I’m just so committed to music, I had to do it. Either way, it’s still very good. I prefer it to Pandora.

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          1. So I just got to know what Spotify is and you bring up another weird name. What the heck is Pandora?
            P.S. I think asking the question + πŸ˜› is what caused the confusion.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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  7. Every time I hear a new song I like, especially from a favorite artist I replay it over and over. I often learn songs in the first 2-3 days if I love it so much. Spotify and SoundCloud are my favorite apps for music. And I was just on genius the other day checking some lyrics out! I also feel like I’ve been having so many ideas and starting so many projects lately, I need to really focus and get some structure going on. Sometimes you just need to work on one idea at a time until it’s complete. I haven’t learned that yet.

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    1. I’m still learning to conquer one thing at a time. I’m setting very short-term and long-term goals. The short ones give me a sense of accomplishment on a regular basis and builds confidence, the long ones are to keep my vision always. You know, I think I might write a post on something like this. Hmmm.
      Still, we are all learning. Every day I have to remind myself that the ideas will almost always be there waiting for us. It’s just on a waiting list.

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