I’ve got a few snatches of things that are just swimming around in my head with no place to really go. That’s what I was thinking, until I remembered how the lovely Cheila does random thoughts posts, and I always love reading them. So here it goes. No pre-planned topics, just whatever shows up to play.
A load of trash. That’s what my writing the past few nights have been. Actually, I’m being kind. The past few weeks have been a load of trash.
Therefore, I’m growing certain that I’m living a delusion. I’ve heard that before, but now I’m starting to believe it. See the thing is, I’m certain that I’ve been writing some pretty fantastic stuff these past few weeks. I write for hours on and off every night. It’s my favorite. So why have I flipped through this notebook 20 times trying something decent to publish? I’m feeling a little overwhelmed. I would love to earn a living as a writer and blogger someday, but I’m feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. I’m working on character trait: DETRMINATION. I have to remember my vision. Some positive comments would be great right now.
My friend just shared a new song that with me and I have listened to it on repeat for the past 2 hours. Does anyone else do this? Get absolutely obsessed with a song? Every time I listen to it, it hits me at the same spots and having those expectations feels great. It’s like watching your favorite movie and getting excited when your favorite scene is coming up. But in a song there are so many of these moments, big and small. Also, I keep learning about the song. I pick up on new sounds and little artistic details. I want to know the song’s soul because it knows mine.
For the 3rd day in a row I come home to find my parents fully engaged in various activities outside in my yard. That pretty plant stand I just finished and posted this morning? Yeah, he’s got his tools and an 8 foot stretch of horizontal blinds on it. It’s acting as his workstation. I had to breathe very deeply.
When I got back from New York, my bike had a flat tire. Since I have no pump and it’s been super hot or raining, I was lazy about rolling it to the gas station up the street for a pump. Today I finally went, and I plan to ride it tonight! I’m really excited for that. I can’t believe I went from riding twice a day for 30 minutes each to nothing for an entire week. It really goes to show how quickly things can change. I need to get back to it before I lose all of the physical and mental progress I’ve gained. Our bodies will collapse so quickly into our old habits if we don’t stay constantly determined to stick to something.
Goodness, this song is still going strong. Spotify has this great new feature called Genius which is a behind the scenes story of a song. (I totally forgot they have a website I’ve been meaning to visit, so I came back and added this link. The beauty of digital writing). Genius sometimes highlights certain lyrics and then explains the meaning or inspiration behind it. It discusses the creative process, who was involved, the road to production. All types of cool stuff like that. I think that the app is aptly named. I love music so much. I also love learning about creative processes and getting more depth of knowledge with something I love. That app is like reading Shakespeare with annotations. It can only improve on a great thing. And that’s noble. Most people settle for normal. These people are making music better. (Btw, it would be great if someone from both of these mentioned companies gave me a little compensation for this paragraph).
I’d love for someone to work for experience and coffee as my personal assistant. To be clear, work for free. My writing notebook alone, despite the fact that I just created a color-coded post-it notes system of labeling, is a no longer a mountain to climb. It’s a mountain with sticky notes jutting out of it from every side. What I’d love for someone to do is read through everything. (Side note: Some pieces start on one page and picks up 4 pages later because 5 other ideas came to me before it could get to the end of the first). So my assistant would read through everything, gather the scattered pieces, categorize them and type them into organized folders on my desktop, print out copies of everything I’ve ever written and place them into a well-organized and pretty physical system of organization. Oh, and scan everything. I will write this person an excellent letter of recommendation.
Which leads me to 2 things. 1. I can hardly think straight when I’m looking at a computer screen. It does something to my brain. I wish I could cut out the middle men, but I need pen and paper. I have to write things out to make sense of them. I’m typing this as I go and honestly, I have no idea what I’ve written in this post. 2. I actually come up with a lot of ideas, and as a writer, I can’t complain about that. I get overwhelmed because I’m trying to find the time to do each idea justice, and it’s difficult. Sometimes I think about what it would take for me to start a production company. Like Drew Barrymore. I so admire her. Maybe my goal should be an empire. Seriously. Why not? And don’t call me crazy because that would be cliché.
I feel like a hermit because I’ve been dedicating so much time to my creative projects that there isn’t much time left afterward. I’m not complaining. I’m a natural born hermit. I get out of the house plenty, it’s just been more and more on my own. I love solitude. And I get so absorbed in my activities because I love them so much.
My mom just told me she has some food in her car for me. I’m starving as I type this, with no plans for dinner. Parents know just the proper way to be intrusive: offer food in exchange.
Someone ever give you a candle as a gift and you can’t stand the scent of it? I hate cinnamon and sugar type smells outside of actual food.
I’m going to make popcorn tonight and watch a movie. That’s something to look forward to. I have a warm couch and food to eat and movies at my fingertips. I have a pretty good life.