Yoga Vegan Hippie Women, and Me.

I’m not 100% vegan. I’d say I’m working my butt off to make progress all the time, but to be honest, it isn’t always a rollicking good time. I see such an eyeful of these slender yoga vegan hippie women on YouTube who travel the world with their slender yoga vegan hippie soulmates, and it doesn’t look like me walking through the grocery store, salivating at things I didn’t even care much about a few months ago.

Let’s take a walk shall we? Because I try to manage my weight, I rarely buy cream cheese. If it’s in my fridge, it’s good as gone. So I walk right past it every week. Recently, I walked past the cream cheese and my knees wobbled. And when walking past the frozen pizza section, I’m pretty sure I bit my lower lip like an impatient porn star. When the store didn’t have my favorite vegan who knows what strips, I almost ripped my shirt off in the middle of the store like a werewolf in transition. I almost tore off my nail staring at a milk chocolate candy bar looking up at me while I stood in line at the register. I don’t even care for chocolate that much.

Then there’s the bakery. I’ve never been huge on dessert, but here I stand wondering: If I slap someone, they just might hit me in the face with a guava cheese pastry. It could happen. I search for possible victims; someone who’ll think outside of the box and not retaliate with a punch to the face. I might be willing to risk it. It’s better than standing over the damn pastries like a dog in heat. I want to shout out that I’m seconds away from dry humping a cheesecake. I try and remember that the sweet breast milk of cows was not made for me. The sweet breast milk of cows. I find it strange that most humans wouldn’t drink a human woman’s breast milk, even though it’s sweet and nutritious and made for humans. How come that’s gross? Actually, people get livid when they see a 4 year old breastfeeding. If that kid can talk, he should not be sucking on your tit lady! By the time the kid is old enough to talk, he should be fully transitioned to guzzling the tit milk of a cow. Schools agree. School cafeterias are covered in posters of athletes and actors smiling with cow breast milk beautifully framing their upper lip. The captions read Build Strong Bones and Does A Body Good, but what they are really saying with their eyes is, I suck cow tits and I like it. But who doesn’t, right? Milk is delicious. Just don’t forget that human breast milk is too. You’re wondering how I know and it’s because I’ve tried it. Don’t you dare think that’s gross.

(By the way, dairy products have been shown to significantly increase a woman’s chances for breast cancer and men aren’t immune either. Isn’t it cute how the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation encouraged women everywhere to go out and buy yogurt for the cure? Of course, Yoplait had been a corporate sponsor at the time… wtf….).

But eating vegan is not all bad. Actually, there’s plenty of good. There’s the pleasure of a paired down diet and feeling positive about what I’m doing with my body, the environment, and animal creatures. There’s the feeling of being more in tuned with nature as my visits to the produce section are lasting longer. I’m not as surrounded by colored boxes and refrigerators at the grocery store. There’s the weight I’ve lost and the increased energy. There’s the saving money on groceries. I feel lighter. My conscience feels a fair bit lighter as well.

I can’t promise that I’ll never eat pizza again, or eggs, or cake. Somewhere in my future is a hot chicken wing dripping in sauce. The way I’ve been living is that I allow myself up to 3 non vegan meals a week, but I aim for less than that. For now, I take things day by day and make a genuine effort to resist. I don’t put food in my fridge that’ll later tempt me. Most of the food and drinks that I consume are animal free. Most of the time I don’t miss them. It’s when I leave the comfort of my home that things get tougher; but my body is adjusting. I don’t blowhorn about the dangers of consuming animal products because sometimes I do it too, but I would like to encourage all of you to get informed about how great going vegan can be.

So that is my honest truth. I am not a yoga vegan hippie woman who gets sick at the thought of eating meat or cheese (oh, dear sweet cheese, sharp cheese, creamy cheese) although I wish I was. I’m probably like many of you who want to make a change and are fighting tongue and belly to make those changes. Take it one meal at a time or one week at a time or whatever you must do to make progress. I say this because I care and I want you to be happy and healthy. And the planet is dying primarily because of the agriculture industry, not fossil fuels and plastic. And also just in case you run into me at a restaurant and I’ve got a roll of sushi halfway down my throat, I don’t want to have to explain. From one imperfect human to the next, may the force be with you.

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My name is Lyz-Stephanie and I want to inspire you to live a more interesting, fulfilling and beautiful life. Every day we can do something to make our lives happier and richer, make our minds more active and engaged. I’m on the journey. Will you join me?

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