Yes, we ladies like to complain about our wombs and ovaries, childbirth, period cramps and hormones. Complaining, if we’re being honest, can feel damn good. Nothing like a little girl talk about sore nipples, hot flashes, widening hips and unsatisfied clits to spice up our evenings. I get it, and I’m with you. But how about we shut up for a bit and embrace the soft moon-child that is our feminine selves.
Let’s take a journey back to the 80s. Picture the woman behind her desk. What does she look like? More specifically, what is she wearing? Whether it’s red, black or blue, it’s likely a suit. And not just any suit. It’s a sharp-shouldered fortification against House Lannister.*
*We all know that there’s nothing that can prepare anyone for the Lannisters.
The Head and the Heart
As a teenager, my dreams of standing in front of a jury– delivering a jaw-dropping argument full of logic and eloquence– never included a dress of floaty or clingy material. The goal in my mind was to look as strong (translation: masculine) as possible. I grew up in the age of girl power and girl power meant that women could also be strong, driven, decisive, competitive– all great traits associated with masculinity. But what the girl power (women’s lib) movement didn’tt do was encourage women to flex our feminine muscles. Qualities like beauty, sensitivity, intuition, creativity and sensuousness weren’t given the same PR. And while 2 inch thick shoulder pads have gone out of style, women still aren’t giving their femininity the attention it deserves.
Masculine energy leans toward results and is based on logic and outcomes. Feminine energy is about being and experiencing. This is why qualities such as beauty and creativity are associated with feminine qualities. While we need the masculine to make progress in life, we need the feminine to enjoy the journey.
[Recommended viewing: We need to restore femininity]
The Lady Parts
And femininity isn’t just about the inward heart stuff. It’s about the physical stuff too. Did you know that our brains are synced up with our cycles in more ways than emotional wreck/not emotional wreck? Our periods are part of a four part super cycle of awesomeness. Each week of the month, our brain chemistry changes along with where we are in the cycle of hormonal ratios.
Week One: Follicular Phase– at this time of the month, women are at their most creative.
Week Two: Ovulatory Phase– we have the best communication skills and the most energy
Week Three: Luteal Phase– we are very detail-oriented at this time
Week Four: Menstrual Phase– our left and right brains are playing well together, making it the best time to evaluate and make assessments.
Imagine if we started using our bodies to help us be more badass? Worked with it instead of bitching at it? Harnessed our unique feminine power and told others how awesome it is? I think it’s time that we stop using “our bodies can make babies!” as our only claim to superhero-dom.
[Recommended Viewing: Loving your lady parts as the path to success, power & global change]
The Sexy Parts
Ever heard of feminine wiles? The term can often be applied with a negative connotation, but truth is, the female form and feminine energy is a thing of beauty. Instead of simply accepting our feminine side, or waking it up for mate hunting, let’s strive to embrace being a woman every day. We need it and the world needs it.
Women are often taught from a young age to contain our femininity. Women who sway their hips too much are seen as loose and looking for attention– not the type of woman we want to be. In her book, Powerful and Feminine: How to Increase Your Magnetic Presence and Attract the Attention You Want,* Rachel Jayne Grover discusses a dilemma that many women, including myself, have spent considerable time worried about.
“… I had been fearful of appearing too feminine or too sensual because I didn’t want to have to deal with unwanted attention from men– what if they wanted something from me that I didn’t want to give? I was scared around females too– would they judge my self-love and self-expression as arrogance?”
Of course, feminine doesn’t have to mean outright sexy (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Femininity is about sensuality, expressiveness, beauty and openness, and these qualities can be expressed in a variety of ways. It’s about time that we raise the value of femininity in our own lives and in the world.
Tips for Embracing Our Feminine
- Dance. Femininity is about embracing expression and openness. Dance is an ancient art form that allows us to feel connected with our bodies. Instead of having the television on while doing the dishes, why not try some music that you can’t help but move to? Let yourself relax and embrace how good it feels to be connected to your body.
- Float like a butterfly. There’s a reason we don’t see flowy dresses in courtrooms and politics. There’s something about light, thin, gauzy fabric that screams feminine. Conversely, fabrics that cling to the body and emphasize curves are also associated with feminine qualities. The feeling of soft fabric caressing your body as you move is a treat and raises our feminine energy. (Men gave up ruffled silk shirts a long time ago. That was their loss. Let’s not give it up as well). We all love our skinny jeans, but put on a pair of pants that allows your booty a little jiggle room and you instantly feel more connected to your feminine self.
- Adorn yourself. Belly dancers are known for their beautiful adornment. While you may not choose to walk around with bells around your waist, you can use adornment to feel more feminine. I can almost always be found wearing an ankle bracelet. Some of them make just a little noise and some announce my presence as I walk into a room. Maybe you’ll choose a pretty pin to place in your hair, or a jeweled brooch for your plain white tee, or a delicate necklace to accentuate your neck. Either way, don’t be afraid to adorn yourself.
- Get creative. Creative expression is a hallmark of femininity. Draw, paint, make music, embroider, make films. Engage in activities that focus on the joy of the experience and not just outcomes.
- Get into nature. There’s a reason we call it Mother Nature. The natural world is full of feminine quality. Sit outside in the morning or evening and listen to the birds singing. Observe the way that all natural things are working together for the greater good. Think of the many ways that nature nurtures us. Soak it in and appreciate its feminine qualities.
- Ladies’ night. There’s nothing like a good night hanging with other women to remind us of the unique energy that we share. Don’t neglect spending quality time with other women and connecting over shared experiences. It’s a good time to bitch about those wonderful ovaries.
- Get sensual. This is one of my favorites. Because it deals with all of the senses, there are so many ways to apply this quality. Light candles for dinner. Slow down and appreciate the subtle flavors of food. Spend time oiling your full body. Use scents to enhance a mood. Look for ways to make every day things more pleasant and beautiful.
- Feminine is not frivolous and inappropriate. We need to stop perpetuating the idea that feminine things are silly, frivolous and less important, or that displaying feminine traits in a sensual or sexual way is in some way shameful.
[Recommended viewing: Dare to be feminine for gut’s sake]
Now, I’d love to hear from you! What’s been your experience growing up feminine? Were you encouraged to view femininity as a strength? Were you encouraged to embrace your sensuality? How do you plan on embracing your feminine power?
*Amazon affiliate link
Side note: The links that I add to my posts are here because I truly believe that the information will enhance what I’ve written. I love learning and I love to pass on what I learn to you all. There’s a wealth of knowledge in them, and they’re absolutely worth the click. If you can’t get to them now (because you’re at work and reading in secret) then save this post for later. I promise you won’t be sorry! Please like and share with all the ladies in your life.
My name is Lyz-Stephanie and I want to inspire you to be more connected to yourself and the world, to find beauty in simple pleasures, and to have more adventures. Every day we can do something to make our lives happier and richer, make our minds more active and engaged. I’m on the journey. Will you join me?