I need to announce to you all that hours after publishing today’s blog post– Messy Cars Anonymous— I parked under a tree. Yes, my car got shat on by a shit ton of birds. I’m appalled that the Universe would question my integrity and true intentions (to keep my car clean) so suddenly and violently. Without a warning.
Okay, real adults would know not to park under trees, but maybe adulting is hard, and just maybe I’m not a real adult. Maybe I’m the sister of Pinocchio that no one ever knows about. It happens all the time. The forgotten woman. While Pinocchio was busy in the world having adventures and learning lessons, I was making stew for men who had run out and forgot to leave firewood. You know how I earned my real humanhood? I cut down firewood. And I was made of wood, so you can imagine how dangerous. You know what else? My stew was delicious. I do wish I could remember not to park my car under trees, though. Heat must defeat bird poop.
Behold my day of reckoning. A beautiful day ends with a test. Stay tuned.