Random Thoughts

It’s been a while since I’ve shared my random thoughts with you all, so let’s get this trainwreck started, shall we?

Okay, full disclosure, there is no trainwreck. I just like the sense of drama that it promises, sort of like those clickbait videos on YouTube which make it seem like your favorite GRWM gal has just broken up with her adorable boyfriend, the one who did her makeup that one time. Of course, five seconds into the video you realize that the BREAK UP (because it’s always in all caps) is from her old contour palette.

I love YouTube. I love it so much. I sometimes wonder if I’d have anything to show for myself as a human if it weren’t for YouTube. I’d be walking around with naked eyebrows and no sense of how to use my camera outside of Automatic mode. I’ve been saying for months that I’d like to create more videos for YouTube. There’s so much I’d like to say and show, but I don’t do it. There’s a number of reasons for this. Do you have ugly days? I do, and they always show up on the days I plan to shoot videos. Is it possible that my ugly face days are psychosomatic?

I still haven’t reached a place where I feel natural in front of the camera. I feel like it feels awkward. That’s the story I make up in my head. I make up that I sound fake and annoying and that people will watch and say, omfg she sounds so fake and annoying. Obviously, the only way out is through. I have to do it in order to get comfortable with doing it. Isn’t it annoying when you know the answer to your problem but the answer sucks and it’s not the one you want? Answer: I have to be more willing to suck publicly (check your local laws).

The other thing is that creating content takes time and energy and sometimes (a lot of times) it feels overwhelming. Are you a content creator, and if so, what’s your workflow? I’ve heard that doing batch videos is a great idea for reducing the overwhelm of creating. Batching is basically blocking out a number of hours, say six, to shoot a ton of videos. You create outlines for the various videos, choose different outfits to switch into (or not) and just record one thing after another. The idea is that you just need one good day instead of multiple days, and you only have to set up lighting, cameras, whatever else, once. I’d like to try it.Β I’ve realized that my favorite past time is complaining about the bad lighting in my house and how it’s holding me back in life.

I’m writing all of this to say that I’d love some words of encouragement because I ain’t doing half the shit I want to do, so I could use a boost.

My coffee this morning was watered down. One can always tell, can’t they? Coffee should be dark brown and amber colored as it fills up the cup, so I knew from the pour that I hadn’t added enough grounds. The only thing worse than watered down coffee is bad lighting. Can you tell I’m bitter and holding onto grievances?

The weather outside (as opposed to inside?) is gorgeous- low humidity, gentle breeze, birds chirping. Just as soon as I get my computer juiced up I think I’ll head out. I haven’t felt this excited about fall since that one record hot summer I spent pregnant. It wasn’t pretty. Do you say fall or autumn? I always want to say autumn, but I feel pretentious when I say it. Our regional preference is fall, but autumn sounds so painfully beautiful. I’ve never actually been to the northern states in the fall/autumn time. I’ve seen the colors change only in pictures. Any day now my Instagram feed will be filled with the colors of fall and all I have to add to the mix is a dark lipstick I’ve been saving all year for the occasion.

I went outside, and it was beautiful for ten minutes; and then, out of nowhere, I was engulfed by a swarm of mosquitoes. I stopped counting at six bites. I’m one of those people who mosquitoes love to feed on. I can be covered in mosquito bites and no one else around me even feels their presence. Suffering alone is insufferable.

I’m out of toilet paper. My wish for my life is to adult enough to remember to buy toilet paper before it runs out. Oh, one final piece of news: I’ve started working as a fashion photographer- a dream of mine since childhood. I’m still very new at it and learning a lot, so I’ll be sharing some of my experiences soon. Look out for that. In the meantime, you can check out some of my work here or click the link in my Instagram profile.

I hope everyone has a productive week filled with pretty thangs.



32 thoughts on “Random Thoughts

  1. I totally regard Youtube as an older sister who taught me all about hair makeup, and haters lol! YOUR PHOTOGRAPHY SKILLS ARE AMAZING! I want to know more! Are you freelance?? Did you get hired by a company?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. An older sister, that’s exactly it! Damn, now I respect her even more. Without YouTube, iwannabealady would be been iaintnevergonnabealady πŸ˜‚ THANK YOU SO MUCH πŸ’œ I’ve been doing photography for a while as you know, but I never worked with anyone other than myself doing self-portrait. But now that’s changed! I’ll be writing a post about it soon, so you’ll have to wait your pretty little head 😘 I’m an ass. πŸ˜„ Next week Monday is my goal!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Uh oh, bad day huh? Well, being a practical sort of person I always want to help πŸ˜‰ For the mossies, try natural oils like citronella and lemon ( I’m sure there are loads more) as those deter the critters. Also avoid floral scented toiletries – cos guess what? If you smell like a flower you’ll attract insects, lol.
    Sounds like things are going your way otherwise, well done.
    Now count your blessings, buy some toilet roll and think about what to do to improve your lighting.
    Have a good day xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh dear, I hope I didn’t come off as miserable! No, the day has been pretty good. I’m used to the mosquitoes as it’s been an issue my entire life, fresh out of the shower or otherwise. I’ve heard talks about it being related to blood type, but haven’t researched it myself.

      I’ve come up with a couple solutions for lighting that I do use, but I feel like they confine me, so I may take my show outdoors at some point and see how that goes, just to try different options. Thanks for the tips and have an awesome day, H πŸ™‚


  3. Congratulations for your new job. I love fashion and I like photography so I guess it’s a great combination. Maybe you would show us some of your work here and give us some tips? I’d love to see that 😍

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Zara, I was actually planning to do just that! I do have a link to my portfolio somewhere in this post (I think at the end?) to see some examples of my work.

      But yes, I’ve been learning an incredible amount, and I’d love to share. My plan is to do my first post on it next week Monday and to create some YouTube videos as well. I’m so freaking happy to hear that you love both fashion and photography because you’re exactly who I’d be speaking to, ya know πŸ™‚ Thanks for letting me know you’d be interested!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much! I’ll be sharing the beginning of the journey here next week Monday including some of the many things I’ve been learning along the way. What type of photography are you into?


  4. YouTube like Instagram can show you fabulous things but make you feel bad about yourself at the same time. Its like why can’t I do videos or pictures like they do or perhaps what it mirrors is an image that is hard to duplicate in your own life. I hope this makes sense.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Tony, that absolutely makes sense. It’s important to know when we’re being inspired and motivated versus comparing ourselves and feeling inadequate.

      For me it’s an ongoing process in which I’m mostly inspired, but my goal is to go through all of the accounts that I follow and unfollow all the ones that don’t add value, inspiration or motivation to my life. I’m looking forward to it.

      Also, more than what others are doing, I know in my heart that I have a lot to offer and that I can do better in getting out there, so I want to be better at it then I have been in the past. Shaking in my boots but stepping forward!


  5. Omg block creating content sounds like a dream but I exhaust myself just trying to take a few photos. I wanna do YouTube eventually but the TIME and COMMITMENT. I would say expense too, but like, duh! Final Cut Pro ain’t cheap!

    I just about died at your comment saying if it weren’t for YouTube I wannabealady would’ve been nevergonnabealady. I felt that in my soul. YouTube University is the plug of all plugs.

    I am VERY excited to read more about your freelance biz (and possibly work together)! Cheers to you doing your thing!

    Dom | http://www.DivaNamedDom.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dudette, I was going to add a little update at some point, but I just tried out the block thing and it went pretty well. I just turned off the camera, changed my shirt, sat in the same spot and talked about something else.

      Maybe you can pick a theme for that day. I didn’t do that and my brain was like what the fuck is going on right now, lol. It is a commitment for sure, so I’ve been thinking if I can keep things under 10 minutes, I’ll focus on IGTV first because my phone is so much easier and I need to just do SOMETHING. I use imovie which is aiight, but I wish I could do more color grading and be able to move text around.

      I’d be thrilled to work with you boo, and I can’t wait to share! xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Umm my only thought — I don’t think youre fake and annoying on camera… thought you enjoyed it. In your IG stories you appear quite relaxed. You can do it boo!!! You already know the answer — just push on through!!!! You’re doing great!

    Liked by 1 person

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