Random Thoughts

It’s been a while since I’ve shared my random thoughts with you all, so let’s get this trainwreck started, shall we?

Okay, full disclosure, there is no trainwreck. I just like the sense of drama that it promises, sort of like those clickbait videos on YouTube which make it seem like your favorite GRWM gal has just broken up with her adorable boyfriend, the one who did her makeup that one time. Of course, five seconds into the video you realize that the BREAK UP (because it’s always in all caps) is from her old contour palette.

I love YouTube. I love it so much. I sometimes wonder if I’d have anything to show for myself as a human if it weren’t for YouTube. I’d be walking around with naked eyebrows and no sense of how to use my camera outside of Automatic mode. I’ve been saying for months that I’d like to create more videos for YouTube. There’s so much I’d like to say and show, but I don’t do it. There’s a number of reasons for this. Do you have ugly days? I do, and they always show up on the days I plan to shoot videos. Is it possible that my ugly face days are psychosomatic?

I still haven’t reached a place where I feel natural in front of the camera. I feel like it feels awkward. That’s the story I make up in my head. I make up that I sound fake and annoying and that people will watch and say, omfg she sounds so fake and annoying. Obviously, the only way out is through. I have to do it in order to get comfortable with doing it. Isn’t it annoying when you know the answer to your problem but the answer sucks and it’s not the one you want? Answer: I have to be more willing to suck publicly (check your local laws).

The other thing is that creating content takes time and energy and sometimes (a lot of times) it feels overwhelming. Are you a content creator, and if so, what’s your workflow? I’ve heard that doing batch videos is a great idea for reducing the overwhelm of creating. Batching is basically blocking out a number of hours, say six, to shoot a ton of videos. You create outlines for the various videos, choose different outfits to switch into (or not) and just record one thing after another. The idea is that you just need one good day instead of multiple days, and you only have to set up lighting, cameras, whatever else, once. I’d like to try it. I’ve realized that my favorite past time is complaining about the bad lighting in my house and how it’s holding me back in life.

I’m writing all of this to say that I’d love some words of encouragement because I ain’t doing half the shit I want to do, so I could use a boost.

My coffee this morning was watered down. One can always tell, can’t they? Coffee should be dark brown and amber colored as it fills up the cup, so I knew from the pour that I hadn’t added enough grounds. The only thing worse than watered down coffee is bad lighting. Can you tell I’m bitter and holding onto grievances?

The weather outside (as opposed to inside?) is gorgeous- low humidity, gentle breeze, birds chirping. Just as soon as I get my computer juiced up I think I’ll head out. I haven’t felt this excited about fall since that one record hot summer I spent pregnant. It wasn’t pretty. Do you say fall or autumn? I always want to say autumn, but I feel pretentious when I say it. Our regional preference is fall, but autumn sounds so painfully beautiful. I’ve never actually been to the northern states in the fall/autumn time. I’ve seen the colors change only in pictures. Any day now my Instagram feed will be filled with the colors of fall and all I have to add to the mix is a dark lipstick I’ve been saving all year for the occasion.

I went outside, and it was beautiful for ten minutes; and then, out of nowhere, I was engulfed by a swarm of mosquitoes. I stopped counting at six bites. I’m one of those people who mosquitoes love to feed on. I can be covered in mosquito bites and no one else around me even feels their presence. Suffering alone is insufferable.

I’m out of toilet paper. My wish for my life is to adult enough to remember to buy toilet paper before it runs out. Oh, one final piece of news: I’ve started working as a fashion photographer- a dream of mine since childhood. I’m still very new at it and learning a lot, so I’ll be sharing some of my experiences soon. Look out for that. In the meantime, you can check out some of my work here or click the link in my Instagram profile.

I hope everyone has a productive week filled with pretty thangs.

Lyz-Stephanie.