Peep My Pet Peeve Poem

I hate mouth noises–

the rhythmic chomping, mashing,

cracking and moisturizing.

I hate the smushing sound of the


searching like a rescue team

for lost morsels pressed between

molar and cheek, incisor and canine.

I hate soggy vegetables–

all limp and liquid filled,

cells bursting and spreading–

the result of neglect.

I really hate a well-done steak–

the ceaseless attempts to break down

fibers, the muscles in the jaw

tightening, cramping, locking.

Yes, I loathe the brain that shrinks from

knowledge; the pitiful mind with no

sense of wonder.

I love to hate that–

Love to roll my eyes at it,

Love to smirk incredulously,

Love to turn my back and walk away.



This is just a little poem I wrote years ago and stumbled on recently in my clutter clearing. It was sitting in a folder in my closet hating life, so I figured I’d give it a purpose. I still hate mouth noises. Ironically, I’m the very worst person to be in a room with if I am chewing a piece of gum. Because of it, I ‘ve incited enough anger, aggression and looks of disbelief for a lifetime. If ya’ll ever discover I’ve been murdered, rest assured that my gum chewing was the cause and that I probably deserved it. Let that bring you peace. I now ask my friends to not allow me to chew gum in public. That Horrible Gum Chewing Girl is not a title I’ve aspire to achieve in life.




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