My Skin Ain’t Loyal

My skin loves to play games with me. It’s like a frat boy. The ones who are 30 years of age but still frat boys. You see, my skin is not young or old, but it likes to act as if it has no idea what it’s doing, or with whom it’s loyalties should lie.

“What do you mean I shouldn’t have slept with Becky? You knew I’d always wanted to. I thought you’d be kinda happy for me. Like, at least a little happy.” That’s my skin folks. “What do you mean I shouldn’t have broken out right before your meet up with Mr. Hottie with the perfect skin?” Sometimes I think that my pores are gorging themselves when I’m sleeping. “Why are you so much larger than last week,” I ask them. Of course, they stare at me dumbfaced like an obnoxious kid (spouse/significant other) who’s obviously trying to come up with a lie. Stupid pores.

Now, for the sake of pure honesty, I must admit that I haven’t always treated my skin with the respect that it deserves. I’ve gone to bed innumerable times with my makeup still on, then woken up at noon the next day ( I wonder why) to make coffee and drink it before tending to my smeared mascara and matte lipstick-caked shriveled lips.

Sidenote: That matte lipstick can be your best friend or worst enemy. I’ve gone straight to the gym from work looking like a floozy because my bright red lipstick refused to remove itself from my face.

I have done my skin wrong on many occasions; sometimes weeks at a time if I’m being really honest. My moisturizer with sunscreen is never forgotten, but the eye cream, face mask, exfoliator, night cream… eating a healthy diet? There have been dark days for those. And recently, those dark days were upon me. I was about to go run like a baby to my dermatologist and beg for something good. They always come through. But I knew in my heart that I was being a spoiled lazy brat. I knew I had the power to change. Ugh. I hate all of this responsible self-talk. Damn adulthood and its wisdom.

But I have been doing far better these past few weeks. I decided to change what I’ve been doing because my skin seemed to stop reacting positively (or at least obviously) to my regimen. I started first by clearing my mind of preconceived notions. Nothing that I had previously purchased automatically made it into my basket. No product could call dibs on my face. Everyone had to earn their place.

I lean toward the natural when it comes to products, although there are some times when I want a good nuclear energized product to transform me on a 24 hour deadline. Haven’t found one yet, but the dream lives on.

So here’s what I’ve been doing to keep my old ball and chain happy; I mean to keep my skin happy. Don’t tell her I said that. She has the power to destroy me.

The Holistic Approach.

1. I’ve been cutting back significantly on dairy, for a number of reasons. That has helped my skin.
2. I drink a glass of warm lemon water every morning. It doesn’t have to be warm, but I always hear warm recommended, so I assume it’s preferable in some way chemically?
3. I drink lots and lots of water throughout the day, most of it containing sliced up cucumber. Being a teacher makes water consumption especially challenging as I have to practically hurl those boogers out of my room while saying “Get out” in the best Batman voice I can muster. It’s necessary if I’m to make it to the restroom and back before the next class arrives.
4. Sleep with a silky pillow. I promise I don’t know where mine went. Very odd. Anyhow, until I buy a new one, I try as much as possible to sleep on my back. That never lasts the entire night, but I try to stay somewhat vigilant when waking up between sleep cycles.
5. I keep the windows of my car closed when driving now. This may sound wacky and it’s only a theory that I have. I drive with my windows down a lot. I’d say daily. That and music are the only things that make driving tolerable to me. But I’ve recently started wondering if my skin is being that much more polluted because of it. Does anyone have theories or science on this? Is my skin more polluted than closed window drivers? I figure that at least in the morning while my moisturizer is still moist that I should keep them closed. I’ve been hating it so far. I may stop. I’m miserable.

The Bottled Approach. (I’m not getting paid or benefiting from this in any way).

Yes, this is my cutting board.

1. Dickinson’s Original Witch Hazel is a godsend for pores. She came into my life and turned it upside down when I wasn’t expecting to fall in love. Now we spend every day together.
2. Burt’s Bees Deep Cleansing Cream with Soap Bark & Chamomile. I have no idea what soap bark does, but the feeling this cleanser leaves; it’s soft as a baby’s tush and tingly like peppermint. It feels luxurious without foam producing chemicals.
3. E.L.F. Daily Brush Cleanser. If your makeup brushes have never had a bath they will make your face look like it has never had a bath either.
4. Olay Professional Pro X Cleaning System Brush. I’ve used this for a couple of years and it can be used daily. It only scrubs off dead skin, not a guilty conscience.
5. Burt’s Bees Firming Day Lotion with SPF 30. Good gracious this moisturizer makes me feel like I think I’m the shit and worthy of the world. Where’s my hot guy with the grapes and palm branch to fan me? Where’s my cat with the condescending attitude? Where’s the merchant selling me jewels and fabrics from all over the world? But seriously, it’s so thick and creamy. I was afraid it was too thick, having combination skin; however, it’s so moisturizing that my skin doesn’t feel a need to produce too much oil of its own. I do keep E.L.F. blotting wipes in my bag for hotter days or late days. I forgot to add it to the photo and it ain’t gonna happen now.
6. YES To Tomatoes Detoxifying Charcoal Mud Mask and Charcoal Makeup Remover Wipes. I have tried many masks throughout the years. My skin always feels moisturized and cleansed after this one. Also, the dark grey color on my face makes me feel like I mean business. It also sends the same message to my skin, I’d like to think.
7. Pond’s Dry Skin Cream. I know I don’t have dry skin, but I use this at night. Your skin loses tons of moisture at night and it needs a little help to replenish it. Have at the thick stuff.

Of course, you can buy all of these products in your neighborhood store here in the U.S.

I’ve discovered that after all of this, I have a bloody pimple developing. I told you that my skin is a disloyal backstabber. But I’m staying positive. I’m taking it to be the last poisons that my skin is purging from my system, and afterward I shall be a creature glowing and magnificent right?

So that’s it folks. It’s what I do. I know you didn’t ask, but I figured it can’t hurt. I hope something I’ve said here is helpful. Do what you think is best, but treat yourself well.