tony-fortunato-595062-unsplash birds poop on cars

The Universe and Sick Jokes

I need to announce to you all that hours after publishing today’s blog post– Messy Cars Anonymous— I parked under a tree. Yes, my car got shat on by a shit ton of birds. I’m appalled that the Universe would question my integrity and true intentions (to keep my car clean) so suddenly and violently. Without a warning.

Okay, real adults would know not to park under trees, but maybe adulting is hard, and just maybe I’m not a real adult. Maybe I’m the sister of Pinocchio that no one ever knows about. It happens all the time. The forgotten woman. While Pinocchio was busy in the world having adventures and learning lessons, I was making stew for men who had run out and forgot to leave firewood. You know how I earned my real humanhood? I cut down firewood. And I was made of wood, so you can imagine how dangerous. You know what else? My stew was delicious. I do wish I could remember not to park my car under trees, though. Heat must defeat bird poop.

tony-fortunato-595062-unsplash birds poop on cars

Behold my day of reckoning. A beautiful day ends with a test. Stay tuned.



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14 thoughts on “The Universe and Sick Jokes

    1. Aww, thanks hon! I love the shade too. And this car doesn’t have tinted windows yet, and it was fucking hot. We’ve just got to pay the price for being divas. We got sued and the price is bird crap, lol

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Lol!!! I hate those damn trees with the yellow flowers and their pollen-fuckeries!!!! It STAINS THE PAINT ON YOUR CAR!!!! You basically need like a wax and buff and 3 paint jobs after parking under one of those bitches! DIE TREES! Dieeee! I don’t need oxygen I need my car pretty thanks! Lol 😆

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Omgggg yes! I loved those trees so much growing up. I wanted one to fill up my yard and remind me of the American Dream every time I looked out my window. But you know adulthood- it loves to take your little dreams and crush them under the weight of a million falling leaves and pollen. I’ll keep admiring them from afar.


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