New Year’s Day 2018

Last night, as I watched the fireworks shattering the stillness of night from the comfort of my driveway, I actually got a little weepy eyed. I was wearing fuzzy pajamas and drinking a cocktail. Yes, a cocktail, on my own, in my house, at midnight. I’m a grown woman, see. In truth, I forgot it was midnight until 12:02am when I pulled myself out of my writing trance to try and understand what all the racket outside my window was about. It sounds like fireworks, I thought. I looked down at my laptop clock and sure enough, I was two minutes late. Nonetheless, I caught enough of it to get weepy.

I wondered how come the moon was so bright, and fireworks were going off all around me, yet I could see so many stars? It seemed odd. We all know that odd things make everything seem more magical, so I wasn’t mad at that.

The sky, a sort of deep slate, ash blue and the boiled parsley green of the trees made an interesting pair. I wished that I was skilled enough with my camera to be able to capture the exact colorations. I thought of my loss, possibly never being able to see this combination again. When thinking about the sky, I often wonder how many color combinations there have been throughout the history of man, and whether we ever see the same combinations twice. I did realize that this is something I typically do. I avoid the troublesome unpleasant bits. And so, I hadn’t the skill to capture it those colors. Getting to those unpleasant bits, something to work on. That just reminded me that this is supposed to be a New Year’s post.

Anyhow, I came back into my house and started writing this. I rubbed Daisy the Cat while she rubbed her face against a chair. Anything with corners on it, she loves. Cats sure know how to keep themselves comfortable and happy. She changes her sitting and resting places 50 times a day. Cold surfaces, warm surfaces, high surfaces, low surfaces, hard surfaces, cozy surfaces. She knows what she likes, and she acts on it. She seems to really pay attention to what her body wants. I admire that. I’d like to add a little bit more cat to my routine. Who knew me and cats had anything in common? You know my history.

Cat History 1: The Stray Cat and My Cold Heart

Cat History 2: The Stranger In My House

Previously, I mentioned that I had gotten weepy. It’s true. Why? Because I love new beginnings? No, the New Year isn’t a new beginning; it’s a new day, just like every other day. But my mind did wander back into the recent past unbeknownst to my conscious mind staring at the fireworks. Because there were some moments in 2017 that stretched the limits of my belief in myself and my journey, and there were moments when I felt the happiest I’d ever been, moments when I was in awe and disbelief, because there were less tears this year, but tears for new reasons which meant that I’m pushing myself and not resting in comfort, because I felt the most free in all of my 35 years of life, because when I thought I was going to drown an air source appeared, and I’d like to believe that I had something to do with that, because I lived like the woman that I want to be, because I let myself down so often, because I’m still hopeful and recommitted, I got a little weepy.

In January, I started an Awesome Jar. I wrote down all of the awesome things that happened to me this year. I tried hard to remember to add them. I get to go through it today, and I get to start a new one. I don’t have to tell you how excited I am.

I’m sure you’ve got a list of stuff you’d like to accomplish, routines you’d like to establish, habits you’d like to cultivate as you continue into the new year.

Here are my suggestions. I’ll just leave them here…

Tip 1: Do something every day that makes you really happy.

If you can set an alarm because it’s something you can schedule, do it.

If you can set reminders twice a day for a week to keep it at the forefront of your mind, do it.

At the end of the week, evaluate whether the times you set for the reminders are setting you up to succeed. If not, change them.

If it’s 10pm, and you’re exhausted, and you’ve forgotten all about this stuff up till this very moment, do it.

If you can’t do it, do something else.

If you can’t think of anything else, make it a point to give power only to positive thoughts as you lay in bed to sleep.

If you can’t think of any positive thoughts, make some up; you’ll start to see that some of them might be true.

Or how about you just shut up with all these words and let your thoughts come and go as neutral energy, neither good or bad. Listen to that thought, and let it go. I said let it go, damn it.

Tip 2: Use your pretty things on a regular basis. If you can’t stomach every day, maybe set one day aside to use the pretty china. It might encourage more time at the table, which I also need to get back to.

Tip 3: Take a step toward being a more conscientious consumer. Your conscious will feel better, unless you’re an asshole to the earth.

Tip 4: Get some houseplants if you have none. Yadda yadda yadda, don’t tell me that you’ve killed every plant you’ve ever owned. I was a killer too. You won’t kill cactuses and succulents easily indoors if you try a little. Let’s be honest, all of those planticide victims from our past were foremost the victims of our wild attempts to guess at what might keep them alive. There were swamp-like waters and periods of drought. Secondly, there was a lack of education. I’ll be helping you with that soon, as well as explaining why this tip is worth trying out. If you have houseplants, spend extra time with them, or go out and by a new one. Or you can just go outside more.

That’s all kids. Go out there and have fun. Be back in time for dinner.