Do you trust yourself adulting fear growth

Do You Trust Yourself?

Do you trust yourself adulting fear growth

I have failed so many times. Public failures. Private failures. I’ve been called a failure; I’ve called myself a failure. I’ve given up so many times. I’ve been energized, and I’ve watched my energy dwindle. I’ve fallen in and out of love with others and with myself.

Do I trust myself? Honestly, kinda. Kinda is not the best answer by far, but it’s damn better than where it used to be. It’s an improvement, and isn’t that what we should all be striving for?

So how did I get from nope to kinda? I started building a record of credibility with myself. Let me explain.

The word trust often comes with the word building. We are building trust. We have built trust. Trust has been built. Building is an act of construction, right? One block at a time, one experience at a time, we build trust.

Now let’s apply that building to ourselves.

Think of our memories as a credit bureau. Every on time payment is recorded. Every missed payment or late payment is recorded as well. Then it’s all taken together to create a score. In life, the banks say, “I trust you” or “Get the hell out of here and come back when you’ve got your shit together” or “I’m going to give you this chance, but I’m watching you closely and putting you on a leash.”

We feel pressure to perform well for the credit bureaus. There’s things on the line– the house, the loan, the car. Credit is king, as they say. But what about in our own lives? In other words, what is our record with ourselves, and how seriously do we take it?

Often, when we doubt ourselves, when we fear failure, when we don’t take a chance, it’s because we have bad credit or no credit. Let’s get more specific.

Good credit. I say I’m going to do something, and I do it. I say I’ll be somewhere, and I’m there. I say I’ll change my attitude, and I change it.

Bad credit. What I say to myself is often thrown out the window when it’s no longer convenient or pleasant. I tell myself I’ll wake up early and then I don’t because I’m tired. I tell myself I’ll complete this task but I don’t because my friend invited me to happy hour. I say I’ll leave a bad relationship and I do until he apologizes or I get lonely or it’s just too hard. I say I won’t yell during arguments, but I do because he’s an asshole and he isn’t listening to me, or she started yelling first.

No credit. I make no promises to myself. I take no chances. I refuse to fail. I refuse to try. I stay where I’m comfortable. I have no goals.

Raise your hand if you’ve found yourself in any of these scenarios. There’s a reason why there’s so many people with bad credit. It ain’t easy. And I suspect that if we start asking people what their dreams are, we’ll find that many are working on no credit. They want it, but have taken no steps to achieve it.

Of course, life isn’t black and white. Most of us, just like with financial credit, have some successes and some promises we fell short on. But imagine a 25 year old with bad credit saying, Oh screw it. There’s no sense trying to fix my credit since it’s already screwed up. We’d look at that person like they must be joking or fucking crazy, right? But oftentimes, when we fail to live up to our own expectations, we start allowing the stream of bad experiences to take over. We expect to fail because we have a history of failing, so we don’t try as hard, or worse, give up altogether.

If we’ve built up a poor record with ourselves, there’s something to be done, and that something is doing something. Do something big or small that you’d set out to do. It doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to get done. If you say you’ll go for a run tomorrow during your lunch break and at lunch you were pissed off at your boss and just wanted to sit in your car and vent to a friend, okay, you broke your promise. When you go home you’re going to walk straight into your bedroom, change into some workout clothes, pet the dog and go for that run. So long as you’re alive you’re still in the race.

I know it’s clichéd, but every day is a new day to continue building trust in ourselves and repairing past damage. With trust comes increased motivation to go for the things that we want. Have you ever said you were going to do something and simultaneously in your mind said that you knew good and well you weren’t going to do it?

Our voices of doubt may never fully go away. I know no one who is without any doubt in themselves; however, that voice does get quieter the more we prove to ourselves that we will follow through. Life isn’t a romantic comedy. It’s not just big sweeping gestures that make an impact. It’s the little promises that we make to ourselves every day, the ones that we fulfill; it’s the little chances that we take and the excitement we feel; it’s seeing that the world doesn’t end when we fail and trying again and getting a little better– those are the ways that we build trust in ourselves. discusses building trust, self-doubt, advice on conquering fear and taking chances

No one can do it for us. The world can tell us how much potential we have and how talented we are, but it won’t mean a thing to our doubtful minds if we don’t go out there and prove our doubts wrong. We can be encouraged, but our doubts can’t be talked away. It’s up to us to prove them wrong, to shut them up, even if it’s only temporary. Those little wins, those little actions build trust, which builds courage, which leads to more action.

Footnote: This post is as much for you as it is for me. Tonight is the next open mic night and I promised myself that I’d get back on that stage and try stand up comedy  again. I’ve been freaking the fuck out all week. I was hoping to be more prepared, but this month just flew by and I didn’t give my sketch the time that I intended, and I’ve been giving myself all kinds of excuses not to do it. I’ve thought about waiting until next month and being more disciplined about practicing up until that time. My first performance was so last minute that I didn’t have time to think too much, and it was my first time so any suckiness was kind of excusable. But now I’ve had time. If I suck, it’s all on me. I legit feel nauseous. I might be developing a psychosomatic fever. My fear is that I’ll do a terrible job and never want to get back on a stage again. I fear public humiliation and disappointing everyone. I fear not being as good as I think I am and having my little dream die.

When I write these posts, ladies, I’m not just regurgitating some advice I’ve heard for the sake of likes and readership. I know how hard it is to go out on a limb. I know that there’s things you want to do and you’re terrified. I know. So am I. That’s why I want this blog of mine to be a place of encouragement because we all need it.

Now let’s encourage each other by sharing thoughts and experiences in the comments.

Also, if you found this post helpful and think that others you know may also benefit from it, please share it where you like to share things.

My name is Lyz-Stephanie and I want to inspire you to be more connected to yourself and the world, to find beauty in simple pleasures, and to have more adventures. Every day we can do something to make our lives happier and richer, make our minds more active and engaged. I’m on the journey. Will you join me?

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43 thoughts on “Do You Trust Yourself?

  1. When I write these posts, ladies…

    I do realize Lyz that when I read your blog-posts that they are usually for a female audience. So there are times when MY thoughts and feelings are quite suitable for your content and discussions — but not to say either that you are in any way restricting your audience here and discussions! Honestly, MEN can learn A TON here from you and your Followers! Hahahaha! 😄 But I’m digressing and going off on a male rabbit-trail, huh? Pfffft!

    Anyway, I find your attitude and perspective to be solid, refreshingly candid, and invigorating. It shows AGAIN in this post. And you are so remarkably BRAVE to get yourself up on that stage (again) to make fun of life, yourself, and whatever else in order to make others laugh — a win, win, win!!! Oh! And THANK YOU for finally having a post that doesn’t have pictures of you everywhere! I swear, if you had done another one, I was going to have to commit myself to the asylum down the street… that total strangers think I’ve escaped from!!! 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I totally understand your male rabbit trail, and I follow, lol. I do gear my blog towards women, but I hope that you never feel restricted in including your thoughts into the discussion! I love that men also visit my site and you’re always welcomed to a seat at the table (in case you didn’t know already). I value all perspectives.

      I’m so terrified of going back out there! I also don’t want to be full of shit offering advice and not following it. I started writing this post weeks ago and didn’t even associate it with stand up. It wasn’t until last night that I was revising it that I thought, oh crap, I’m trying to talk my way out of taking my own advice., which sucks because I was looking forward to getting cozy with my excuses and having a comfortable night, damn it.

      I really don’t think, Professor, that most of my posts are full of pictures of myself.. I think it’s that male trail thing distorting your perception, haha. 🙂 But I’d rather not kill off my supporters so I’m very glad that this one was without my face. This is your time to take it easy, get your cardio, and prepare for what might come next. xo You’re awesome.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. You are TOTALLY CORRECT!!! I just get all stupid when those posts filled with exquisite images pop-up and just cause all sorts of biological overloads and cerebral misfirings… I just have to RUN AWAY!!!! But I don’t get too far cuz I end up tripping over my two left feet!!!! Geeeezzzzz, I’m hopeless. 🙄😖

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, sugar pie! I’m glad you found it helpful. I can’t wait to see all the awesome things you’ve got coming up. You’ll be looking at your uni-free time with even more excitement, I hope. p.s. I don’t know if the rest of the comment got cut off but I’m going to take the “n” to stand for “nervous wreck trying to hold it together while inspiring others.” I’m sure that’s what you were trying to say, lol.


          1. One thing to add to the topic of trusting yourself. One challenge with trusting myself is an experience where you thought you were doing things right and things still didn’t work out. That has got to be the worst feeling and can really be debilitating if you let it.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Oh my goodness, yes. That is definitely a tough one. I’ve had that happen so many times where I was just stunned that what I expected was so far off from what actually happened. It always takes more time to recover from those blows. There’s always the idea that failure is just learning what doesn’t work and making adjustments, but when you’re in it, that stuff sounds like clichéd bullshit. That’s when we’ve got to put our big girl granny panties on and fight through the negative thoughts that swarm us.

              We just keep learning and learning. Some of the stuff I thought was right years ago is ridiculous to me now. And I’m sure that will keep happening my whole life in different ways. I think part of trust is also recognizing that we won’t always be right, but as we grow we start to get better at realizing when we might be on the wrong course. We reach out for support and feedback from those who might have more experience than us. I think growing and learning is all about refinement, just a bunch of small tweaking. The more we realize that failures aren’t the end of us, the better we get at saying, holy crap I was so wrong and move forward more quickly. But you’re right, it ain’t easy!

              Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing so openly, Tony. You’re definitely not alone in not trusting your abilities or doubting whether your “good enough.” I’ve had many days, months, years when I didn’t feel like I was good enough to even want the things that I wanted. And it still happens, just not as much. I really believe that while we should all value ourselves, it’s the little successes that we create that, over time, give us the fuel to do more and feel more proud of who we are. If you don’t trust your abilities now and you never test them out, then you’ll never get better and those feelings will never change. I’d love it (if you don’t mind) for you to tell me one thing that you’d like to do (or a way that you would like to be) and let’s try and figure out how you can take some steps to make it happen. You can DM me if you like.

      You’ve always been so supportive of me and I’d love to help you feel better about where and who you are. Let’s talk, okay? 🙂


    1. Oh absolutely, the bigger, the scarier. When I had my first child I was like, I’ve never held a little baby before! How the hell do I raise one?? But each day that he survived I gained more confidence that maybe I was kind of capable.

      There’s a great Ted Talk by Tim Ferriss that you’d appreciate.

      He calls his strategy for making big decisions “fear setting” instead of goal-setting. It’s really helpful. 💜

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is an amazing post; would you mind if I linked to it in a post of mine I’m writing? It’s about a similar thing, but more trusting yourself to land on your feet 🙂 I’ve never considered self-trust as credit, but that’s a genuinely pretty accurate way to look at it – and you’re right, we do almost build up a history of “well, I say I’ll do this, but I won’t, so when I set new goals I don’t expect to accomplish them”.

    By the way, massive props to you for getting on that stage! Public speaking and performing is terrifying and I completely understand your fear in not being prepared enough, but I’m sure you’ll be brilliant. Good luck! xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey love, you can absolutely link it! I’d be honored. I’m glad that you find it useful. It sucks when we say something and in our minds we’re like, “Why you so full of shit, though?” Lol.

      Being able to confess my fear in this post really helped me to follow through. I was one foot out the door already, like screw this, I can’t do it again! Thanks for the support, girlie. 🙂


  3. Lyz, thanks for writing this. You know I am trying so hard to accomplish something and so many times I just feel like throwing in the towel. UGH. It’s too hard, and I am tired. But you have reminded me that I simply can’t. The fact that you get up on that stage makes you a fucking hero in my eyes and inspires me to keep doing whatever it takes to get where I am going. You are fabulous – never change!​

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Darling, my darling, I know it’s haaaard. There are many moments of panic. And sometimes the towel is wet and moldy smelling and it’s begging to be thrown in. Knowing how discouragement can be a bitch, I’m so glad that I’m able to give you some encouragement. You keep trooping, honey. As Marie Forleo says, “The world needs that special gift that only you have.” xx


  4. You ARE brave. Enjoy the moment—the sights, sounds, emotions—and you won’t think too much about whether you’re doing it “right” or “well” or whatever label your brain wants to put on it. Let your heart win and have fun!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Kris. It’s sometimes hard in the moment to remember to enjoy the moment, but it’s so important because at the end of the day, life is a series of experiences. I needed this reminder to take in the experience. Regardless of outcomes, the experience itself has a lot to offer.


    1. Well guess what? You’re just in time because I posted my experience today on Instagram Live! It should be on there till about tomorrow afternoon. I figured that would be the easiest way. 🙂


      1. I just watched it Lyz. The sound of the crowd — lesser numbers can be more intimidating than intimate I feel at times — is enough to give me the heebie jeebies. But I like what you got out of it. Another experience, yet another story and an extra helping of gumption. Brava! 😘

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thanks, Arundhati. It’s exactly as you say. Smaller numbers doesn’t always equate to warm and cozy. The heebie jeebies are alive and well and wrecking havoc. The gumption was a bit harder to swallow this time around but the helping was had, lol. Are you feeling a bit of Spring in the air? Those fat squirrels must be a very welcome sight. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

            1. It seems I’ve only been up there in summer and winter. I have no idea what the spring might look like save from movies I’ve seen. I just imagine animals poking their noses out from under mounds of snow to sniff the warming air, which is an adorable image. Very Disney.

              Liked by 1 person

  5. I used to have really “bad credit”- and it only got worse after I stopped being able to work or participate in normal activities too often. Now I just say “I’ll try” instead of “I will”… Seems to have fixed the credit issue, lol; it’s always easier to try and accept that I can’t today than it is to say I will and then beat myself up because my health said otherwise.


  6. Congrats on your bravery…Trusting yourself does not equate to failure nor success…it’s just doing what one knows to do. Can I trust i follow my own advise…I can trust to use the wisdom I have gained. Life has taught me, just because i had victory in an area today, does not dictate that tomorrow I will. I am glad you wrote this post. thanks for your transparency that has already began to enrich others and give us something to sink our thinking teeth into.


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